Brian Hamilton

was born in the back seat of a broken-down Brooklyn taxi on a sunny, humid day in July, and later discovered abandoned on the steps of the local x-rated cinema by Herschel, a grumpy midget Rabbi from Bensonhurst. He was schooled by rebellious, roller-skating nuns at Our Lady of the Blasted Sacrilege. At age fifteen he ran away, was then kidnapped by a band of hostile Gypsies and forced to tap dance for tourists from France who tossed their lit cigarette butts at his feet.

Tired of subsisting on a diet of pirogo and cabbage rolls, he barely escaped his captors one evening using a two-humped camel, a pogo stick, and a stolen moped. In the rain. On a Monday. Wearing only his purple pajama bottoms.

Now he lives in sunny Hollywood, California entertaining millions through the magic of electronic media. You’ve probably seen his malleable mug race across your TV screen countless times!

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